Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You need Xanax blowdarts
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
