would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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