im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
