He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The beers last night were like the tears from god
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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