doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
