I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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