he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
