I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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