Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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