community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
50% drunk capacity currently
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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