the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
