Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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