finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
