We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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