you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Randomize
