it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
