pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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