He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
