Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
