Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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