and you said cock pushups were impossible
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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