fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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