so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
