i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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