Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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