How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
