you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
