Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize