this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize