Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
