i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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