How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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