you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
