Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
