Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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