"it" just moved
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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