I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
