The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I forget how to act sober
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
