the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
