During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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