you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
