i think my mom watched the whole time
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
They took my balls.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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