Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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