fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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