I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I AM VODKA MAN
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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