nut hugger
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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