if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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