so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
