Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
