i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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