Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in

Fav 10 3286 1367
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(318): View more from Louisiana

When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias

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(607): View more from New York

I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!

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(303): View more from Colorado

Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.

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(763): View more from Minnesota

It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.

Fav 3 1146 1244
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.

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