just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
