I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Still dying that you shit outside
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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