I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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