I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
