My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
