I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
