My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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