dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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