I could make wine with my vomit
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
