Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i think my cat just said my name.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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