he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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