while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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