You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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