an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
