We're facebook friends in real life
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
