after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
