Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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