Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
