either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
high people should be assigned attendants
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
