Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
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