Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
