I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Randomize
