don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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