please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
