I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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