Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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